Maybe its because I’m in Kingsport (a place I hate), or maybe its because I’m finally starting to take my life seriously. I don’t know what the cause is. I am pissed off. Ryan Braun, the National Leauge Most Valuable Player in the 2011 season was cleared of his 50-game suspension. Why was he suspended for 1/3rd of the season? He failed a drug test. I don’t remember the specifics of what he was supposedly taking, and honestly they aren’t relevant to the case at hand. I have very conflicted feelings about the much-vilified “P.E.D.s.” Thus, I’ll avoid getting on a soapbox about that particular subject. What set me off, however, was Mr. Braun’s defense.
He stood at a lectern, in front of his teammates, Brewers staff, and the world. His speech was admirable. He spoke with vehement denial, verily righteous indignation. That is to his credit; I expect those things from an innocent man. He wasn’t eloquent, well-rehearsed, or even smooth. That is to his credit as well; I expect that from athletes (especially baseball players – who have a reputation as utter dunces.). To be patronized in a way that could possibly remove you from 1/3rd of your season is serious. To stand, alone, and defend yourself is no small task. To Mr. Braun I salute you. If you are, in fact, innocent, chapeau chap. If you ARE guilty, I wish only the most profane suffering on you.
No, friends, today we aren’t going to moralize and vomit rhetoric on superior performance through chemistry. Today we’re riffing on a much simpler topic. We’re going to delve in to a subject far less complex than synthetic testosterone (and its close compatriots). This blog is about DOING YOUR JOB.
If I were ANY member of the Brewers organization and I heard one of my athletes say, nay BOAST, that (paraphrased): my workouts haven’t changed in six years, I haven’t gotten any stronger, or any faster in my time here, I would be livid. Someone’s head would be under the guillotine. I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I would be in a realm beyond embarrassed. The shame that a claim like that carries (if your job is to improve athletic performance), is like the salesman that never moves product.
Part of the problem might lie in that the Brewer’s website doesn’t actually list a strength and conditioning coach. Did you hear that? It was the clue phone ringing. If you improve your athletes inherent ability, and maximize their genetic potential, you’ll probably win some more games. Interestingly enough, they do list a “Strength and Conditioning Coordinator,” a minor league position. I wonder what HIS job is? I’m imagining a large man wearing tight, polyester pants, with a large ball of chewing tobacco in his cheek, wrangling cats.
Ah, but there is a “conditioning specialist.” And this guy is a Registered Strength and Conditioning Coach. So in theory, he knows what he is supposed to do to make his athletes better. I’ll make an enormous assumption here – bear with me – that since Braun was the MVP of his league last year, his lack of improvement is not an isolated case. What, exactly, do these guys do?
I have to make an admission, my experience in the field is limited. I’ve only worked with female college athletes for a semester and a half. That said, I simply can not fathom how a man who is PAID TO PREFORM gets no better on his team’s specific drills and tests. You can argue that he’s already at an elite level, and elite athletes require absurd levels of training to make minimal gains. I would accept that, except that his entire existence revolves around baseball, and his supremacy thereof. If you can devote 12 months to training and playing, you can find some new modality, block-organization system, set/rep scheme, or exercise order that will impart SOME increase in performance.
Pay me $30 a month and I’ll make you a better athlete. You hear me Milwaukee?
Appalachian Endeavors 